I’m so tired of my life.
Every day I feel the same: tired, lonely, sad, depressed, anxious, and the list goes on. I wish all those feelings would vanish. I wish I didn’t feel like self-harming every day and didn’t cry every night. I wish I could talk to my parents without them freaking out to the point where they decide not to deal with me anymore. I thought I could always go to them when something’s bothering me or I need help. As it turns out, they couldn’t care less about me. To hear the words “If you can’t handle life, then go take a pill” from my own mother really hurts. I thought I could trust her. I thought she really loved me no matter what. I guess I was wrong and stupid enough to believe it. This is the safest place for me to get my feelings out right now. No one’s going to judge me or hate on me or yell at me. I hate myself so much. I screw up all the time and I’m so effed up. It’s not that I really want to die, I just want all the pain to go away. I just don’t know what to do right now. Maybe I do need pills. Maybe I should be in a mental hospital, since I’m so screwed up, according to my parents. Maybe I should just keep faking my feelings and keep the real ones inside where the belong. I don’t know. I should stop venting and go to sleep. I hope I feel better tomorrow.